Things you should know about me before start reading:
I'm a normal boy who is age at 16. Continuously absent from school and finally had some very serious problems about it. Every absence, I lied to my family that I'm sickened or something else. I did that since 2011. And of course, they felt very questionable about the lie but it doesn't matter, as long as I could absent from school, I just lie the same thing.
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Feeling not good at all. I bet today is my worst day of the year. I came up a plan: Since I have my school day off on Wednesday. Why not absent Monday and Tuesday as well? Those two days are the most dangerous day of the week. So, I lied to my family that I have my Tuesday off as well, pretended sick on Monday (high class secret).
As a result, my dad got called from school, maybe the principal who I'm not sure yet. They stated that Tuesday's school holiday is a lie and wanted me to explain my disappearance from school, if not I might drop my education. I'm scared of this event happens since months or years ago, and now it's here. The climax maybe? I can't blame every single friends/family members for this issue since it's my problem and I'm the one who causing it. i feel very very bad for it but i cant say a thing about that to any of my known members.
The reason i created this blogspot is to release all my pain, desire, anger. Why? I have nowhere else to do it. Internet is the best way for now. I really don't know what to do at this moment, it's pretty much nothing I can do but accept the punishment from school and family. Besides, my dad seems very mad in the phone. I can't blame it too. Same reason. Sorry dad, I know it's my bad this time. Not only this time but all of them. This makes me feel very very bad and yeah I SHOULD feel bad too. But I just can't tell them the truth that I lied for years. Every time go downstairs, I would definitely get insulted by my parents and get pissed off. That's the main reason I don't like to go downstairs. Whenever I approach them, without hesitation I could hear all the insults in my ear. Very irritating. So I would try to lower down the amount of walking downstairs.
At school, whenever I step into my school. The pressures flow towards me. Heavy pressures. And then when I reach the assembly place, each of my friend would laugh/insult/sarcasm me. I show them a "I AM OK WITH THAT* face but to be honest, I actually don't like it, and will try to avoid it if possible. That's the #1 reason I think I could avoid by absent.
David, is the only chinese male friend in my class and sits beside me. I feel sorry for him too, given that when I absent, he will be on his own in the class as the rest are Malays and Indians which is OK to communicate with but not that OK. I somehow felt that he doesn't like to be in the same class with me. I'm really sorry. If I could avoid all those reasons I will pretty sure attend all the classes to ensure you are not alone.
When it's Malay class, I'm felt very pressured and hoping that my teacher forgot about ULBS (oral test). My last attended Malay class is ended in oral test. She finished 3 groups, left my group and 1 more. I'm pretty sure next class will be my group's turn. I felt pressured and guilty as we didn't do anything about the ULBS. Whenever I heard ULBS, my hair will stand up and I will get chills. I would not want to do any of the ULBS. So far I've only done 1, it's the English class. But it should not be count as one because it's a normal "stand up and read" process. My English teacher decided to use that as ULBS because... well I think she knew that I would not want to do the actual ULBS so she uses this way to avoid that and to force me to do that. So back to Malay class. I repeatedly absent Monday, Tuesday and sometimes Wednesday as three of those days contain Malay class.
Next, it's Account class. I lost track. That's all I can say. I lost track on this subject. My friend was already at miles away on this subject but I'm just at the entrance of it. Very very bad, plus I didn't put any effort into it. I even absent Account tuition class too. Moreover, there's a Account project. At first, when the project's instruction was given, there's a long holiday (2 weeks). It's given us to do the project. You know what? I do absolutely nothing about the project. Because, I know nothing about the project. Didn't know when to start. Didn't know how to start. Didn't know how to complete it. I tried to ask my friends but he said he will copy the others. And I'm OK with that. At school, they copied and edited but I didn't do anything. Why? I'm not quite sure, maybe because my laziness. And yep, the deadline was ended. 2 weeks ago and I'm still have yet to progress anything. No instructions, very little help and very less effort used. I blame myself as It's entirely my fault.
I could spend time writing this blog on doing all these sort of things right? That's exactly my biggest problem right now. I didn't know how to start anything. ULBS, an action for groups, due to my absents, it can't be done. But I'm sure my group members will find their own way and abandon me, just like old times. Account, I needed to make a 50-page folio. And I can't do it in just one day. After having thoughts on them, I decided to lay down and use computer. Yep, this is my greatest enemy. But I lost to it. I can't escape from this threat. Instead, it's like my habit now.
This is getting out of control and I should end this for now. Today is a very very bad day. The start is bad, the end is still not sure yet but I estimated: When my dad is back, knowing he just got called from schools, he would scold me like no tomorrow. Maybe result as computer closure, which is less likely to be happened but the might be a slight chance. And yes, the end is estimated as bad end. Bad start and bad end. Today is undoubtedly the worst day of the year.
Wish myself luck. Actually, am I have the rights to having these lucks given that I'm the one who did all this and injure myself in the end? I don't know anymore.
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